


In the Line of Fire

by thehorrorinsymmetry



Series: In the Line of Fire [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drunk Driving cw, F/F, Fluff, Graphic Descriptions of Injuries, I cannot believe i forgot to tag that but he's a trans guy!!!, Little bit of angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Trans Poe, check the notes at the end if you want to know more about the warnings, fire cw, original character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:45:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6634261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehorrorinsymmetry/pseuds/thehorrorinsymmetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Finn Smith starts working at station 7 he expects it's the beginning of something exciting, but he has no idea what he's actually in for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Line of Fire

Finn wakes up at 5:30 am, a solid half hour before his alarm is scheduled to go off.

He goes for a run and sings to himself as he makes himself a big, hearty breakfast. When Rey drags herself into the kitchen looking like she was still asleep he pulls his roommate and best friend into a dance, spinning her around the kitchen until she’s laughing along with him. He shares his breakfast with her, grinning the whole time.

His excitement only grows as he gets dressed, pulling his uniform on with slow, purposeful movements. He runs his fingers over the letters stitched into his shirt, spelling out his last name just above his heart. Smiles at himself in the mirror, warmth flooding his chest when Rey sees him and immediately pulls him into a crushing hug.

After two years of getting his ass both metaphorically and quite literally kicked at the academy and a lifetime of working up to this moment, today marks the start of a new chapter of his life. A _great_ chapter in his life.

Today is Finn Smith’s first day as a firefighter.

He arrives at the station - number 7 on D’Qar street, one of the best in the city - twenty minutes early, so he sits in his car and lets himself imagine everything that he’ll experience at one point or another as he sips his coffee.

When he walks the short distance from his car to the station doors, it feels as if he’s walking on a cloud.

\--

The first thing Finn notices about his new chief is that she’s tiny. Maybe - _maybe_ \- five feet with square shoulders when she shakes his hand.

The second thing he notices about his new chief is that she’s amazing.

Finn had heard of her while at the academy - of course he did, _everyone_ has heard of Leia Organa, the woman that single-handedly led the fight against privatization when the city had all but written the contract for the highest bidder. She’s been awarded so many medals that they practically cover half her chest. She’s indomitable, a small, powerful force to be reckoned with.

Within minutes of meeting her it’s easy to see that despite everything she’s seen and done, she still somehow manages to be totally down-to-earth. She listens attentively and takes him through the station’s procedures even though it could easily be handled by someone else.

It’s a gross understatement when he tells her that he’s honoured to have the chance to work for her.

She takes him on a tour of the building, talking him through the history of the division as they walk. She answers every question he has when he sees their cabinet brimming with awards, a proud smile never straying as she talks about her squads.

\--

The kitchen is their last stop.

There’s four people sitting around the table, laughing about something. Rather than sobering up completely the way Finn would have expected, they just turn their grins toward Organa.

“Morning, ma’am.”

The chief nods at them. “Good morning. I’d like you all to meet our newest officer - this is Finn Smith. Finn,” Chief Organa turns back to him with a wry grin. “These reprobates are your new squad. Good luck.”

The twinkling in her eyes does little to calm the butterflies taking flight in Finn’s stomach. He nods at the group.

“I expect you all to behave. Finn here comes highly recommended, so I'd like him to stay. None of that nonsense like last time, understand?”

“Yes ma’am.” All four of them smirk as they reply in unison.

“Where's our illustrious captain?”

“He said something about Red One. Probably just trying to break it again.”

Organa nods, one corner of her mouth tipping up. “Alright then. I'll leave you all to get acquainted.”

Organa pats his arm, leaving as the group turns their collective gaze on him.

He smiles and represses the urge to fidget. “It’s good to meet you guys.”

The man sitting closest to him nods. “I'm Snap. Pull up a seat, man. We don't bite.” Snap pulls out the empty chair beside him. “You're probably going to want to keep an eye on Testor, though.”

Snap nods towards the small woman sitting across from the empty chair. She winks at him, smiling as she sips at her coffee.

Finn sits down.

\--

Testor’s name is actually Jess Pava. The other two are Iolo Arana and Karé Kun. He’s still not sure if Snap is just a nickname or not.

Finn is really excited to work with them.

They were handpicked by Organa and have played a large part in building station 7’s reputation as the city’s best. They're very close, just like a family, a well-oiled machine that operates smoothly and in tandem even during something as mundane as breakfast. He can't wait to see them in action.

They ask about him and seem genuinely curious, but none of his stories of going from foster home to foster home are quite as funny as the story Jess tells him about Karé using a home’s bathroom while it was still on fire, so he keeps the conversation steered away from himself. It’s easy enough - he could probably spend a week just asking them questions and they’d still have more to talk about.

“So what’s the captain like?”

“Dameron?” Jess sits back, her eyes wide. “Where do we even start with that guy?”

Karé shrugs. “He’s Organa’s golden child so we can’t do anything about it, but he’s the biggest hardass I’ve ever met.”

“He’s got an ego the size of the moon,” Snap pauses. “It’s actually kind of impressive that he’s able to walk around with it, let alone get any work done.”

Finn stares at each of them in turn, scanning for any hint of humour or sarcasm. This has to be a joke, right? “Really?”

Iolo nods, deadly serious. “My first day here he chewed me out for doing the dishes too slowly.”

Finn frowns, but someone speaks from behind him before he can reply.

“Yeah, that guy’s a real piece of work.”

Finn turns in his seat and promptly forgets how to think.

The man is _gorgeous_. He’s smiling at Finn with dimples and the warmest, deepest brown eyes Finn’s ever seen. His curly hair is stylishly brushed away from his stunning face and his jaw - which could only have been chiseled by a God - is covered by stubble and several streaks of engine grease.

Finn stands up. Blood rushes through his ears and the room spins for a moment - he must not have had enough to eat this morning. “Hi, I’m Finn. Uh, Finn Smith.”

The man shakes his hand firmly, the warm touch sending a shiver down Finn’s spine. He has yet to break eye contact; Finn’s not sure he ever wants to. “Poe Dameron.”

Finn blinks. “You’re the -”

“The piece of work, yeah.”

Laughter erupts from behind him. He startles, suddenly remembering that they aren’t alone, and drops Poe’s hand. “Um. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Poe’s eyes are honest to god _twinkling_. “I hope you know you shouldn’t believe anything these knuckleheads tell you.”

“But boss, _sir_ , we’ve been telling him all about how great you are.”

“Yeah bossman,” Jess chimes in. “We were just about to tell him about BB-8.”

Poe shakes his head, still smiling at him. “These guys are nothing but trouble.”

Finn nods, biting the inside of his cheek in an effort to hold back the ridiculous and embarrassing smile that wants to escape.

“I have to, uh. Get back to making sure the engine will run. It was really good to meet you, though.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Poe smiles again, biting his lip. The knot in Finn’s chest tightens painfully.

“Poe. Go fix the truck.”

Poe blinks, cheeks flushing. “Right. Yeah.” Poe turns and walks out of the kitchen with the cup of coffee he had just poured still sitting on the counter.

Finn exhales slowly. He turns back to the table and sits down, clearing his throat. “Um, what's BB-8?”

“His dog.” Iolo answers after a beat of silence. “He rescued her from a house fire a few years ago. She was abandoned and really traumatized after, so he took her in and rehabilitated her into the happiest pup in the entire world.”

Of course he did.

 

\----------

 

As the probie, Finn gets the dubious honor of being assigned all of the tasks that no one else wants. Usually it manifests as doing the dishes after a meal or taking inventory of every single band-aid, pair of gloves, piece of hose in the building. Three weeks into the job he's cleaned the bathrooms so frequently he knows them better than the one in his apartment.

Today, however, he’s being sent to a nearby elementary school to help Poe give a talk on fire safety.

It doesn't exactly fit in with the probie pattern - is more along the lines of something he happily do without any sort of pay - but he knows better than to question it. He’s not about to risk giving away this ridiculous little crush by saying too much.  

It’s difficult to believe it even as Poe is driving them to the school in his old pick-up truck, both of them decked out in their full gear. The other man is tapping the steering wheel along to the beat coming from the radio, singing under his breath.

Finn would pinch himself if he thought he could do it without getting caught.

“You uh, have a really nice voice.”

“What?” Poe glances at him, brows furrowed. Finn is pretty sure he can feel his stomach drop through the bottom of the floor and splatter on the pavement.

“Oh, um. Thanks,” Poe laughs and Finn’s urge to pinch himself rises exponentially when Poe’s ear goes red. “Sorry, I didn't even realize I was singing. You can just tell me to shut up, next time.”

“It’s okay, I don't mind.” Finn bites his lip, grateful that Poe has to focus on the road. “Have you been singing for a long time?”

Poe nods. “Pretty much since I was born, yeah. Play a bit of guitar, too.”

Finn absolutely does not think about Poe singing or playing for him “Did you want to be a musician?”

“No, actually. Don't get me wrong - I love playing and was in my fair share of shitty bands when I was younger, but I always wanted to be a firefighter.” Poe glances at Finn with a soft expression. “My ma was one, and between her and my lethal case of hero worship for Leia I was never going to be anything else.”

“Oh, how long have you known the chief?”

“As long as I can remember. She was friends with my parents since before I was born. They worked together too, and after my mom died she stuck around and really helped me. She took me on as soon as I graduated, and I’ve been working for her ever since. She’s amazing, I’ve been really lucky.” Poe glances at him, admiration gleaming in his eyes. “How about you? Did you always want to be a firefighter?”

“Uh, no, it -” Finn pauses. “I didn't have the most… straightforward childhood. I uh, I wanted to do something where I could help people. I knew I'd never be able to afford like ten years of school or anything, so I worked for a few years and I found the dual firefighter and paramedic program. I thought it might be a good fit so I applied and… now I'm here.” He breathes an embarrassed laugh. “S’not the most exciting story.”

“Well it would probably be spiced up a bit if you included getting into one of the best academies in the _country_ on a full scholarship then graduating at the top of your class.”

He gapes at Poe. “How did you…?”

Poe smirks. “The chief told me all about you, buddy. She hasn't been this excited about a probie in a long time.”

Finn pushes down the wave of pride in his chest and has to bite his lip to keep a huge smile down.

Poe nods. “I'll tell ya, it takes a lot to impress that woman.”

“Oh.”

Poe saves him from having to muster up a coherent reply when he pulls into the school’s parking lot. “You ready to go tell a bunch of kids that fire is absolutely no fun?”

\--

Poe is great with the kids.

Like, _really_ great.

They’re talking to a class of about 30 eight year olds, all of them listening attentively as Poe talks about how to prevent fires.

Finn is standing at the side of the classroom, watching Poe dazzle the kids as he waits for his part of the presentation to start.

“Now, does anyone know how to get out of a room if there’s a lot of smoke in it?”

The children look around the classroom, all of them waiting for someone else to speak up.

“That’s okay guys, that’s why we’re here today.” Poe turns back and grins at him. “So, smoke is really thick which means that when you breathe it in, it’s really hard for your lungs to do their job. Even if you just breathe in a little bit, it can make your throat hurt for _days_. It’s no good.

“Luckily, though, there’s actually a very easy way to help avoid it. Smoke likes rising up,” Poe lifts his hands as he speaks. “Like when you have a campfire outside it’ll go so high up you can’t even see it anymore, right? The same thing happens inside. It’ll go up to the ceiling and start to gather at the top of the room and the more of it there is the lower it’ll get. This means that when there’s a lot of smoke in a room, there’ll still be some pretty clean air close to the floor. So what do you guys think is the best thing to do?”

A small girl glances around side to side and raises her hand.

Poe smiles at her. “Yeah?”

“Uh - lay down?”

“Exactly!” Poe nods. The girl smiles at him, straightening her shoulders. “The best, safest air is at the bottom of the room, so -” Poe drops to the floor and lies flat on his stomach. “Go where the air is, right?”

The kids all shift in their seats to try to see Poe. He lifts himself to his elbows to raise his head, which makes his back arch and -

Finn looks away.

“The air is a lot easier to breathe down here, which means you have more time to get out of there. It’s also clearer, so it’s way easier to see where you’re going. It’s super easy and it saves lives.”

Much to Finn’s relief, Poe stands up again. “Does that make sense?”

The children nod.

“Great! Okay, I’ve been talking for way too long so I think it’s time for my lieutenant to take over.” Poe smiles at him, relaxed as if he didn’t just call Finn his lieutenant.

Finn clears his throat, mentally shaking himself as he picks up the trainer fire extinguisher and heads to the front of the room. Thirty pairs of eyes track his movement. “So there are a few types of fire extinguishers, but this is the most common one. You guys have one of these in your classroom, and this is the kind people usually have at home too.”

Finn shows them how to use the extinguisher, letting a few of the kids try it out. He takes them through the rest of the presentation, slowly relaxing as he continues to manage to not trip or accidentally say something embarrassing.

Poe watches him intently the entire time, smiling at him every time he glances back. They wrap the presentation up with the kids’ questions, ending on the high and very adorable note of one of the kids shyly asking if there was a Mrs. Captain.

Poe buys him lunch as a thank you on the way back to the station, insisting on it to celebrate ‘the first of many successful presentations’.

Finn’s fairly sure he’s not going to survive this job.

 

\----------

 

“One last thing before I can break up this meeting,” Poe’s expression grows serious as he looks around the conference table. “We’ve had our probie for a little over a month now, and I think we can all agree he’s done us proud -”

Finn’s face heats up as everyone around the table claps. Karé whistles from beside him, winking when he loses the battle with the smile fighting to get out.

“He’s one of us now. A part of our team. You guys know what that means - it’s time.”

Finn frowns, watching everyone around the table groan.

Iolo, on the other hand, sits up straight and slaps his hand against the table. “Yes!”

Karé covers her face with a hand. “Oh my God.”

“What’s going on?”

Iolo smirks. “Something great.”

“An important and very _mandatory_ team building exercise.” Poe’s expression gives away nothing. “Tonight, after our shift’s over. Does that conflict with anyone’s plans?”

“It conflicts with my plans, yes. I was planning on enjoying my evening.”

Poe ignores Karé. “No? Good. Meet up at my truck at 1830. And if anyone ruins the surprise for Finn you’ll be answering to me.”

The group groans collectively.

“Okay, good talk. Go make me proud today, you’re all amazing.”

\--

Finn tries to ask people about it throughout the day, but the answers leave him more bewildered than he was at the daily briefing. After Iolo’s gleeful _the best time you’ll ever have_ , Karé just shaking her head, and Jess saying she can’t be the one to ruin it for Poe, he gives up early in the afternoon and resigns himself to whatever sort of ‘team building exercises’ Poe has up his sleeves.

He gets to Poe’s truck with a few minutes to spare and somehow everyone save for Poe is already there. Iolo slaps his back, looking far too eager for Finn’s comfort. “Get ready, probie.”

Finn opens his mouth to reply but before he can he notices Poe walking towards them with a smirk on his painfully beautiful face. “Let’s move.”

\--

Finn ends up in the middle of the front bench, squished between Poe and Karé. He does his best to focus on where they’re going, but Poe’s thigh keeps shifting against his. It feels as if an hour has passed by the time Poe pulls them into a parking lot, despite only ten minutes passing on the dashboard clock.  

Finn takes a deep breath and pulls himself out, almost stumbling into Karé when he sees where they are.

“A karaoke bar?”

Poe’s face lights up with a smile. “It’s a time honoured tradition, started back when I was training with these buffoons.” Poe wraps his arms around Karé and Iolo’s shoulders. “Everyone has to sing _at least_ once.”

Finn stops and stares at Poe as he walks into the building.

“Yeah, kid. That was just about my reaction too.” Snap sighs.

\--

They pile into a booth at the back of the club. Poe stands at the end of the table and drops a pen and piece of paper in front of Iolo. “Okay, I'm signing us all up for the first round, so you guys better have a song picked out.”

Finn watches Iolo scribble furiously on the paper and wonders if he somehow entered a different plane of existence without realizing it. “Uh - out of curiosity, what happens if we don't sing?”

Poe stares at him. “Why wouldn't you sing?”

“Oh probie,” Karé smirks. “Do you get stage fright? You're going to be fine, you're so pretty no one will even notice if your voice is bad.”

Finn sputters. “No, I -”

“Would you rather do a duet?”

Finn stares at Poe. Iolo scoffs. “Hey, I thought that was _our_ thing.”

“I’ll uh, be fine, thanks. I just wanted to ask.”

“I thought we had something special.” Iolo mutters.

Poe rubs Iolo’s shoulder. “Don't worry, I'll still duet with you.”

Iolo rolls his eyes. “Oh, so now that your number one choice is out you'll stoop to my level?”

Poe nods. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Iolo punches Poe’s arm.

“Anyway, to make sure none of you hate me too much for having to go after me, I'm going to go get the first round.”

\--

Poe comes back long enough to put a beer in front of everyone before bouncing off again.

Finn watches him as he makes his way to the stage, jumping in his seat when Jess puts a hand on his shoulder. Jess smirks. “Better get ready, probie.”

“Ready for what?”

She nods towards the front of the room.

Poe’s standing on the stage now, his features relaxed and his eyes twinkling under the spotlight. He winks at the table as the first guitar chord streams through the speakers. “When your legs don’t work like they used to before,”

Finn’s mouth falls open. In his peripheral vision he can see Iolo shake his head. “That man is shameless.”

Snap says something but Finn’s world shrinks to where the man he likes is singing one of the most romantic songs in the universe.

He knew Poe was a great singer, but the difference between him singing under his breath to the radio and _this_ is enough to take Finn’s breath away. Poe’s face scrunches up as he belts out the chorus, the hand not holding the mic scrunching the fabric covering his chest as he sings about a lover’s hand on his beating heart.

Finn is dreaming, or hallucinating, or probably dead because there is no way that this is really happening in reality. He needs to look away before he does something embarrassing like accidentally moaning and he has to run away. Before he can find the willpower though, Poe’s gaze catches his.

Finn freezes.

There’s easily thirty feet between them in a room full of strangers and Finn is in a booth packed with his coworkers, but in that moment it’s just the two of them. Just Poe telling him to kiss him beneath the stars.

Suddenly Poe’s dulcet tones have been replaced by a roar right in his ear. He tenses, turning back to see everyone clapping.

Oh, right.

He forces himself to clap and watch Karé whistle so he doesn’t stare at Poe as he comes back.

“And _that_ , ladies and gentlemen, is how it’s done.”

Poe slides into the booth after Iolo gets up, taking a long gulp from his beer. Finn glances at him, surprised to find his cheeks flushed pink. He blinks.

“Way to show off, Dameron. I think that was even worse than last time.” Snap shakes his head.

“Thank God for Iolo, I would _not_ want to follow that act.” Jess bumps his shoulder. “What’d you think, probie?”

Finn swallows. “I think - I think I’m going to go get the next round.”

He pulls himself out of the booth and takes a deep breath as soon as he’s at the bar.

It’s busy enough that he gets a few minutes to calm himself down before the bartender’s able to get to his order. By the time he gets back with six bottles his pulse is almost back to normal.

He puts the beers down, his face horribly warm as he sits down.

Karé grins and elbows Poe. “I think we should keep this one.”

Poe turns to look at him, dimples peeking out from beneath his five o’clock shadow. “Yeah, me too.”

Warmth rushes through Finn, settling in his chest. He smiles.

“You guys remember the last probie we had?” Jess smirks. “I've never seen the chief chew someone out so bad.”

Snap lifts his beer. “To the probie!”

Everyone echoes his words, their bottles clinking together.

\--

Once Finn’s able to get past Poe’s heart-stuttering performance he ends up having a really good time.

Everyone gets into it and they give some pretty amazing performances. The squad gives him a standing ovation once he gets through his song, rowdy enough to get a warning from a bartender. Karé, Poe, and Iolo do a killer _Bang Bang_ , and they cheer on the other patrons. It's the last thing Finn could have ever imagined, but it's easy to see that everyone loves it.

It's wonderful, but after a couple hours Finn is having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He texts Rey for a ride, grateful that his best friend is once again saving him from a cab ride.

She arrives about half an hour later, scanning the bar for him. Finn waves his hand high, grinning when she finally turns his way. “Rey!”

She waves back, smiling brightly. “Hey,”

He stands up and hugs her quickly. “Thanks for coming, I really didn't want to cab home.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She nods, surreptitiously elbowing him.

“Oh,” He turns back to the table. “Guys, this is Rey. Rey, this is Jess, Snap, Karé, Iolo, and Poe.”

Everyone greets her. Poe smiles but it’s tense, falling short of his eyes, and he only glances at Rey for a moment before focusing on his beer. He must be pretty tired too.

“Rey’s a firefighter too, she's amazing. She should come work at 7,” He nods at himself and grabs her arm, shocked that he hadn't thought of this before. “You should work with us.”

Rey grins. “It was nice to meet all of you, but I think it’s time to get him home.”

“I'm right here.” He lets Rey pull him away and waves back to the guys just as they're walking out.

Rey is quiet until they're in her car. “So. That's Poe.”

Finn sighs. “That's Poe.”

“He's pretty.”

“He's _amazing_.” He rolls his head onto his shoulder and stares at his best friend. “He's really incredible, Rey.”

Rey squeezes his arm, quiet. “The squad seems nice.”

Finn perks up. “I _knew_ you'd like them. They're really cool. Very funny. They make really great omelettes. They have really nice brown eyes and they really like sundresses - which they look great in, by the way.”

Rey punches his arm.

“She's a fan of Sappho.”

“... Really?”

“You should totally date her! Then you could hang out with us all the time.”

“You're being ridiculous.”

“I could get you her number.”

“ _Finn_.”

“But she's pretty cool, right?”

Finn takes her silence as victory.

 

\----------

 

Jess comes into the kitchen as he’s having lunch with Poe and Iolo. She sits down in the seat across from his and folds her arms on top of the table, staring at him.

“Um… Hi?”

Jess doesn’t move.

“Can I - do you need something?”

“Rey. What’s her deal?”

Finn leans back in his chair, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Well, well, well, Jessika Pava.”

Jess’ eye twitches. She flushes, her cheeks redder than Finn’s ever seen.

“Oh my _God_ ,”

“I will kick your ass probie, don’t test me.”

“Is that how you got your nickname?”

“Finn, _please_.”

He breaks into a smile. “What do you want to know?”

“Wait,” Iolo butts in with a frown. “Isn’t Rey your girlfriend?”

Finn laughs, shaking his head. “No, man. I mean I love her a lot and I definitely had a bit of a mad crush on her when we met, but that’s about the extent of it. She’s my best friend.”

“Really?”

Finn snaps his gaze to Poe, thrown off balance by the tone in the older man’s voice. Poe blinks at him, mouth slack. “I, um - you just seemed…”

“Okay, let’s get back to _my_ love life problems, thanks.”

Jess grunts and hunches over the table, sending a dark glare at Poe.

“Right, um. Rey’s single.”

Jess perks up. “Does she bat for the home team?”

Iolo snorts.

Finn grins. “She does.”

“Has she - did she say anything about me after she picked you up?”

“Wow, you really have it bad.” Jess smacks his arm. “I'd have to shoot you if I told you, but I can tell you that as her best friend in the entire world you have my blessing. I'll give her your number.”

Jess grins, some of her usual bravado returning. “Can you talk me up a bit too? Tell her about that time I saved the litter of kittens. Does she like kittens?”

“She has a cat.” Finn bites his lip. “She also likes bad movies and pretty much any kind of flower or plant, and she's on a roller derby team.”

Jess swoons.

\--

He tells Rey about it when he gets home that night.

“So Jess asked about you today.”

Rey freezes with her forkful of noodles halfway between the bowl and her mouth. “Oh?”

Finn smiles. “She asked what your deal was.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I said that you weren’t looking for a relationship, that you wanted to grow old and adopt twelve cats and get a cardboard cutout of Ellen Page.”

Rey stares at him until he cracks up.

“I told her that you’re amazing and she’d be really lucky to get to know you. Seeing as she is also really great, I gave her my blessing and told her I would pass along her info if you happened to desire it.”

She flushes as he pulls up Jessika’s number on his phone and places it in front of her. “You really don’t have to call her, but if you are interested I can tell you it definitely goes both ways.”

Rey looks up and bites her lip. “Really?”

“Do not tell her I said this, but she totally wants your metaphorical babies. She was the _epitome_ of heart eyes emoji today.”

A small, gorgeously bright smile lights up her features. She takes Finn’s phone and pulls her own out of her pocket.

Finn smiles as he watches his best friend, so excited for what is starting between her and Jess. It’s almost enough to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest.

 

\----------

 

After a long shift Finn is very ready to call it a day, counting down the minutes until he can collapse onto his bed. He's so close he can almost taste it, can feel the cool, fresh sheets against his skin. He just needs to quickly debrief with Poe before he can go.

Of course Poe is nowhere to be found.

Poe’s office is lit and his messenger bag is lying beside his desk, but the man himself is missing. Finn checks the kitchen, both trucks, and the locker room to no avail. If Poe had been in the bathroom, it would be worrying if he hadn't finished by now.

Finn checks Poe's office one more time, just to make sure. The wonderful, refreshingly cool feeling of his sheets is slipping away with every Poe-less room. He doubles back to the kitchen where Iolo is chewing on a banana. “Have you seen Poe?”

Iolo shakes his head. “You check red one?”

Finn nods.

“Red two?”

He nods again.

“His office?”

Finn huffs. “Twice.”

Iolo nods, chewing slowly. “Check the roof?”

Finn breathes a laugh but freezes when Iolo doesn't join him. “The _roof_?”

“Yeah, that big flat thing on top of the building, I think you've seen it before?”

He stares at Iolo. “Why would he be on the roof?”

“Why's the chicken cross the road, man? Because it _can_.”

Finn blinks. He leaves long enough to get to the main entrance and realizes he has no idea where he's going. He goes back to the kitchen and draws his hands into fists so he won't scratch the sudden itch behind his ear. “How, uh, how do you get to the roof?”

“There's a ladder round back, by the dumpsters.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Good luck on your journey, young grasshopper.” Iolo nods, speaking up again as Finn leaves the room. “Oh, and tell him Jess at his banana.”

\--

Finn strongly reconsiders just how badly he wants to go home when he sees the ladder. Flecks of rust cover a significant number of rungs and it groans before Finn manages to get half his weight on it.

He takes it slow and keeps his eyes trained on the wall, distracting himself by thinking about how he’ll haunt Iolo if he falls to his death. Pulling himself over the ledge, he lets go of the ladder and takes a deep breath. The roof is too dark to really see much, but he can make out the outline of a body on the ground. “Poe?”

The figure sits up. “Finn? What are you doing up here?”

“I wanted to debrief before I went home.” Finn pauses. “What are _you_ doing up here?”

Poe settles against the cement again with a sigh and lifts one hand to point at the sky.

Finn looks up. The sky is clear, a handful of stars standing out against the blackness of space. “Huh.”

“I come up here when I need to think.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just -” Poe sighs. “Bureaucracy blows.”

“Yeah, I won’t argue there.” Finn lays down beside Poe, careful to leave a couple feet of space between them. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “This is nice.”

“Yeah, it is.” Poe grins. “My ma and I used to stargaze together. We’d just lay on the grass all night and she’d point out the constellations, tell me all the stories behind them. Now it’s a good way to remember how infinitesimally small we really are, compared to everything out there, so I really shouldn’t stress out about some measly reports.”

“Yeah, you have a point there.” Finn breathes a laugh. “Got a good view, at least.”

“Mm, there’s lots of light pollution around here.” Poe turns to look at him, features bright even in the low light. “You should see it in Guatemala, back where I was born. Both of my parents have family in Quetzaltenango, so we’d visit every couple years. Whenever we went we’d go camping in the middle of nowhere and it was… it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Like you could see the entire universe, it was all laid out right there for you.”

Finn swallows. He clasps his hands on his torso to keep from trying to reach for the other man. “That sounds amazing.”

Poe nods, his gaze dropping to Finn’s chest for a moment. “Oh, man, you shouldn’t be out here in a t-shirt. Here,” Poe sits up and pulls off his jacket, holding it out towards Finn. “Use this.”

“Oh no, I - I'm fine, it's not that cold -”

“ - you're shivering, buddy. C’mon, just take it. I got it all warmed up for you and everything.” Poe grins, distressingly open. “Do I have to order you?”

Finn takes Poe’s jacket. The worn leather is soft in his hands, warm from Poe’s body heat, unbearably comfortable when he slides it on. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Poe waves him off and lays back down. “D’you see that star, the really small bright one? Right there?”

“Um, yes?”

Poe laughs. He shifts closer until there's only a few inches between them and raises his hand again, their shoulders brushing. “Right there.”

Finn squints, trying to decide which one Poe means. “Okay.”

“And then you make a sort of uneven diamond like this,” He draws a pattern with his finger while Finn fights to keep his focus on the sky and not the strong, nimble hand waving above him. “And then there's a little line below it, right there. Do you see that?"

No. “Yeah,”

Poe drops his hand to his chest and turns his head to Finn. “That's the booty constellation.”

“What?” Finn stares at the sky, totally unable to see how it could possibly resemble a butt. “No, no way.”

Poe breaks down giggling, his shoulder shaking against Finn’s. “Okay, no. But it _is_ called Boötes, which is pretty close.”

Finn shakes his head, unable to hold back a laugh.

“It’s actually thought to be one of the oldest known constellations. It’s named after some ancient Greek guy but it’s actually been traced all the way back to Babylon. Arcturus - the brightest star, the one right there - is a pretty big deal. It’s got a history everywhere - from Australia, to India, to the Inuit in northern Canada. For thousands of years people have looked up at the night sky and saw something special in it, totally independent of each other. Isn’t that amazing?”

Finn nods. Poe is focused on the stars, his smile easily as bright as Arcturus. Finn takes a deep breath. “Yeah, it really is.”

Poe paints abstract pictures in the sky and tells him stories for each one, a mix of history and science and some stuff that is definitely made up by Poe on the spot. He looks so happy and relaxed that it’s easy for Finn to go along with it, to just lay back and try to make out the constellations while Poe’s voice lulls him, right up until he glances at his watches and sees that nearly 45 minutes have passed. “Oh shit, I was supposed to meet Rey for dinner.”

It takes monumental effort to pull himself up and away from Poe. He dusts himself off and takes a couple steps before he stops in his tracks and turns back to the other man. “Oh, uh -”

He starts to peel the jacket off but Poe shakes his head. “Keep it. It suits you.”

Finn’s stomach drops. He opens his mouth but no words come out, his throat suddenly dry. Swallowing, he tries not to think about how Poe’s still watching him. “Oh, um, thanks. See you tomorrow.”

He turns to the ladder, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Just as he's starting to climb over the ledge he hears Poe shifting around.

“Why are you taking the ladder?”

He turns and stares at Poe. “What?”

“You know there's stairs, right?”

“ _What_?”

Poe points behind himself to the far side of the roof, where there is definitely a wall standing out against the darkness.

He nods and peels himself off of the ledge. “Thank you. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go find Iolo - who took your banana, by the way - and we’re going to have some words.”

He leaves the roof to the sound of Poe's laughter.

 

\----------

 

Finn is woken up by the shrill ring of the alarm at 2:40 in the morning.

He jumps out of bed and throws his uniform on as fast as his sleep-heavy limbs will allow. The team piles into the truck, everyone still shaking themselves awake as Jess pulls out of the station and speeds away from the city.

“It’s a 10-36. Two car head-on collision, casualties unknown. ETA five minutes. Suspected drunk driver so the boys in blue have been dispatched too, should get there a bit after us.” Poe lists facts off monotonically from the front of the truck. “Sounds like a high speed collision. Make sure you're ready.”

Snap and Karé look at each other with heavy expressions; Iolo curses under his breath.

“Ambulances should get there about fifteen minutes after us. Finn, you’re the best medic we got. If you think we can be doing things better, you tell me.”

He nods. “Got it.”

Finn jumps out of the truck the instant Jess puts it in park. He turns towards the scene and all the air in his lungs promptly disappears.

It’s a disaster.

The two cars are in the middle of the road, spliced together by mangled strips of jagged metal.

Finn’s stomach flips.

Shards of glass and metal crunch beneath their boots as they approach. Poe reaches the car first and points Karé and Iolo to the second vehicle. Snap and Jess start securing the scene while Finn joins Poe on the driver’s side.

Poe pulls at the door with all his strength. It doesn’t move. “We’re gonna need the jaws.”

Finn glances inside the car as he starts moving back to the truck, his stomach dropping when he sees a young girl strapped into a car seat. “Poe, there’s a kid.”

Poe curses. “Pava! Get over here.”

She passes Finn on his way back to the truck. He grabs the jaws and jogs back to where Poe is bent down and talking to the driver.

“I’m Poe, this is my buddy Finn. We’re going to help you, okay? What’s your name?”

The man is in bad shape, his tan skin paled by blood loss and shock. He’s conscious but obviously confused, blinking at Poe lethargically. “M-mike.”

“Good to meet you, Mike. Can you do me a favour? I need you to cover your head with your arm, okay? We’re gonna pull this door off and get you out.”

Mike doesn’t move his arm. “Where’s my - Soph,” Mike coughs, a droplet of blood splattering on his chin. “Is Sophie okay?”

“She’s going to be fine, Mike. We’re gonna take care of you guys.”

Mike looks at Finn, eyes wide and unfocused. “Tell her I love her.”

Poe grabs the other set of handles and they line the tool up with the top of the door frame. “You can tell your yourself Mike, just hang on.”

Mike doesn’t respond. Finn can feel each second speed by them as the door is slowly peeled away from the rest of the car, the jagged metal screeching as it’s bent further out of shape.

As soon as the door finally pops off, Poe leans in and taps at Mike’s cheek. “Mike! Can you hear me, Mike?”

Finn curses.

They cut off Mike’s seatbelt and pull him out, carrying him a few feet from the worst of the wreckage. Finn drops to his knees at Mike’s side. “I need the trauma kit.”

“I got it.” Poe squeezes his shoulder and jogs back to the trucks.

Finn pulls Mike’s jaw open, grinding his teeth at the sight of blood in his throat. He bends down and keeps his gaze glued to Mike’s chest, waiting for it to rise.

It doesn’t.

“ _Shit_.”

Finn tears open Mike’s button down shirt and pulls his undershirt up to his armpits to get a clear view of his chest. Shades of deep purple cover most of his abdomen.

He begins compressions, counting under his breath. He glances at Poe as he kneels at Mike’s head. Poe covers Mike’s mouth with the bvm and tilts his head back, giving Mike two breaths as soon as Finn has counted to thirty under his breath.

Finn restarts compressions. Poe places the AED electrodes on his chest, working around Finn’s hands. The machine tells them to stop and while it tries to detect Mike’s heartbeat. He looks at Poe, dropping his gaze back to the AED after a moment.

The AED doesn’t recommend a shock.

No point shocking when it’s already stopped.

Finn continues compressions. “Where the fuck are the ambulances?”

“They'll be here. Do you want me to take over compressions?”

Finn shakes his head.

“Boss,” Pava crouches at Mike’s side. “The girl’s stable, probably has a concussion but she got lucky. Same for the other driver. His passenger was DOA. The cops are here and they want to be briefed.”

“Okay, take over for me here.”

Jess moves into Poe’s spot and delivers the next two breaths.

Mike still doesn't have a pulse.

Finn continues compressions.

Ten minutes pass without any change. Finn’s arms are burning, his wrists stiff, but he has to keep going. He knows the statistics, knows how severe and widespread Mike's injuries are, but he can't let him down. He can't let Sophie down.

Jessika hasn’t said anything, but he can feel her watching. He doesn't stop.

A few minutes later Poe comes back, kneeling on Mike’s other side. “The ambulances are a couple minutes out.”

“What the fuck? What's taking them so fucking long? Did they decide to stop and admire the scenery or have a snack or something?”

Poe and Jessika look at each other. “Finn -” Poe pauses. “What’s the situation?”

Jessika speaks up after a beat of silence. “No change since you left.”

Finn can feel Mike’s sternum moving in his chest, long since broken by the force of the compressions. He doesn't say anything.

Silently, Poe moves to Jessika’s side and takes over for her. Jessika stands up and walks away, somewhere out of Finn’s peripheral vision.

He doesn't stop. “I'm not going to stop.”

Poe delivers two breaths.

“It’s illegal to stop administering CPR once you've begun.” The ache in his arms is getting stronger. “There are cases of people being resuscitated after forty minutes. It’s happened.”

“I'm not going to tell you to stop.”

Finn nods.

The first ambulance arrives a few minutes later. They take Sophie. The other driver is taken next, escorted away by two police cars. Finally, _finally_ , a pair of paramedics pull a stretcher up to Mike.

“Approximately 30 year old male, said his name was Mike. Sustained a head injury, major internal abdominal bleeding, and a broken leg, possibly other injuries. He was awake but confused when we arrived, but lost consciousness before we got him out of the car.” Poe’s voice is steady, collected. “We lost all life signs fifteen minutes ago.”

The paramedics take over and get him into the scoop, strapping his slack limbs onto the stretcher. They’re gone in a minute, speeding away from the scene with their lights flashing.

Finn’s still on his knees.

Poe kneels in front of him, hands heavy on his shoulders. “I need you to pack up the trauma kit. Can you do that?”

Finn takes a deep breath, staring at Poe. He nods.

“Okay, good. The scene’s secure so I’m going to go hand the reins over to the deputy, then we’ll head back to the base. Got it?”

Finn nods. The adrenaline has long since worn off, leaving him exhausted and carrying the heavy weight of failure on his shoulders as he packs up the equipment still wet with drops of Mike’s blood. He moves on autopilot and doesn’t think about the golden ring on Mike’s left hand or the agony on Sophie’s face as she was wheeled into the ambulance. He doesn’t think about how many lives have been permanently changed in the past hour.

He doesn’t think at all.

They get back into the city just before 4:30. The sun is just beginning to rise, the sky a soft pink by the time they pull into the station. They climb out of the truck silently, no one cracking jokes or goofing off.

The team change and drag themselves to their respective bunks, leaving Finn still sitting in the locker room staring at his half unlaced boots.

He’s not sure he deserves to sleep right now, anyway.

He’s still sitting on the locker room bench when Poe finds him.

Poe sits down beside him, close enough that their legs are pressed together. “I asked the paramedics to give me a report when they made it to the hospital.”

Finn stares at his boots, nodding slowly.

“Mike was pronounced DOA. Sophie should make a full recovery, her mom’s with her now.”

He covers his face with his hands and pushes his palms against his eyes until they stop stinging. Poe wraps an arm around his shoulder.

“He talked to us. He was awake and he _talked_ to us. Now his kid doesn’t have a dad.”

“His injuries were just too severe, Finn, he -”

Finn shakes his head. “No. No, I let him die. He was talking, there must have been something more I should have done, something I missed,”

“Finn,” Poe pulls his arm away and puts a hand on his jaw, turning his head until he has to look at him. “You didn’t miss anything. You didn’t fuck up. You did everything you could with what you had, you were perfect.” Poe’s voice is brimming with sincerity, his gaze open and honest, keeping Finn locked in. “It wasn’t enough. Sometimes it’s not, you know that.”

Finn doesn’t move.

“He was never going to make it. As soon as that car hit them he was a dead man. His injuries were too great. Frankly, I can’t really believe that he managed to stay awake as long as he did. He should’ve been dead before we even got there.”

He stares at Poe.

“We don't always get to win, even when we do everything right. It’s fucked up and unfair and has nothing to do with us or whoever we’re trying to help. This is the worst part of the job, but you're not going to let this beat you, you hear me?” Poe searches his eyes. “You're one of the best I've ever seen, even as green as you are, and I'm not going to let this beat you.”

Finn swallows, his throat too thick to get any words past it. He lays his head on Poe’s shoulder, far too tired to stop himself. Poe just wraps his arms around Finn again. “We lost today, but we’re going to come back and do our damnedest to win tomorrow, okay?”

Finn takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. His chest is still a mass of knots, tight with guilt and exhaustion, but he lets Poe’s words wash over him. He takes another breath, focuses on the warm, living man against him.

He keeps breathing.

“Okay.”

 

\----------

 

Finn pulls himself out of bed at 4:30.

He doesn't need to be up until six, but he can't spend another minute rolling around his bed not sleeping.

The fog in his mind is thick, his limbs clumsy as he stumbles into the shower. He stands under the cool spray for nearly half an hour before he can work up the energy to get out.

All he can think about is the accident. The smell of burnt metal and blood, the shards of glass that crunched beneath his boots, Sophie’s cries as Jess pulled her from the car.

Objectively he knows that Poe is right, that Mike’s injuries were too severe for any hope of survival, but knowing and believing are two vastly different things.

The scene replays in his mind over and over, leaving him to think about all of the ways he could have been better - there's no way to have reached them sooner, but he could have been faster. Even if he'd just managed to get the AED going before Mike’s heart stopped, he could have given the hospital a chance.

Mike shouldn’t have died last night.

\--

His fingers shake against the steering wheel the entire time he’s driving to the station. He sits in the parking lot and watches everyone else arrive as he finishes his fourth cup of coffee.

By the time he can make himself head into the building, everyone’s had more than enough time to prepare for their day so the locker room is wonderfully empty. He drops his bag onto the floor and pulls his locker open, gaze landing on the jacket that’s been hanging there for almost a month*. He stares at the small cluster of photos taped to the inside of the door and freezes.

He wonders what kind of pictures Mike kept at his work.

“Hey man,”

Finn jumps. He twists around, blinking at Jess. “Hi.”

Jess steps closer, sitting down next to him with a frown. “You look like hell.”

Finn laughs. It’s hollow even to his own ears. “Thanks.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

“I'm fine.”

“Yeah, that's not an answer.”

He drops his gaze to the floor. “I'll be fine, Jess.”

Jess nods. “I know you will be.”

Jess jumps up from the bench and pulls her locker open. She grabs something from it, dropping it into Finn’s hand as she straddles the bench to face him.

It’s a picture featuring a young boy smiling widely with two of his front teeth missing. The edges are worn down, one torn off completely, and a crease runs through the kid’s forehead.

“This is Henry.”

“Cute kid.”

“Yeah, he was. I pulled him out of a house fire four years ago. He had some small third degree burns, but he was alert and in really good spirits. The way he looked at me -” Jess pauses, her gaze glued to the picture when Finn glances at her. “He asked me to come visit him at the hospital, so I did. He told me he wanted to be just like me when he grew up. Like, he wore my helmet the whole time I was there and he was _so_ stoked about it. He asked me all these questions and looked at me like I was granting him wishes or something the entire time. I’ll never forget it. But, uh. His burns became infected somehow, and the drugs they gave him just couldn’t keep up.”

Finn looks up at Jess. She holds his gaze. “He died two days later.”

Finn blinks. He stares at the picture of Henry.

“For a while after that I didn't know if I could make it in this job. I thought about quitting, maybe becoming a mechanic or something. I didn't want to deal with something like that ever again. I honestly thought about just packing all my shit up and moving to the middle of nowhere in the desert so I could be a full on hermit and never have to worry about something like that again.”

Finn glances at Jess and breathes a laugh.

“But then I realized that if I did Henry’s death would pretty much be meaningless and that would be so much worse than anything else I could do. So I kept this and I came back, and I never let myself forget why I’m still here.”

He pulls Jess into a hug and tucks his face into her neck, careful to not crush the photo still in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Any time, buddy.” Jess pulls back and cups his cheeks. “But if you tell anyone about how mushy I am I'll kick your ass.”

\--

Jess takes him to the kitchen.

He tries to put the brakes on before they reach the door, but Jess grabs his arm and pulls him in with disconcerting ease. They're greeted by the sight of Poe working on something at the stove while Karé, Snap, and Iolo play a round of cards.

Finn avoids everyone’s gaze as he looks around, lingering in the doorway. Jess squeezes his arm then takes a seat and deals herself into whatever they’re playing. He waits for the pitying glances or an unnatural lull in the conversation, but nothing happens.

The seconds tick by.

Karé's still talking up her hand.

Iolo grins at him and nods towards one of the empty chairs.

Finn turns his gaze on Poe, watches the way his shoulders move as he works on something that smells incredible. He sits down and lets the conversation flow through him, the pressure in his chest easing slightly with each breath.

He jumps as a plate is placed in front of him, just barely managing to keep himself from accidentally knocking it onto the floor. He blinks, staring at the beans, eggs, and fried plantains while a plate with a stack of tortillas is put down beside it. The plates are pushed closer to him by a tanned hand, attached to a slightly hairy arm, which in turn leads his gaze to Poe’s face.

Poe smiles at him. “Eat up.”

Warmth floods through his body, relaxing tight muscles and easing the ache in his stomach. He nods, smiling.

Poe pats his shoulder, his thumb brushing at the base of Finn’s neck before he moves away. He returns to the table a moment later and dives into his own plate as soon as he’s seated, grinning warmly with full cheeks.

Finn takes a piece of the eggs, looking around the table as he chews. Snap is trying to surreptitiously steal something off of Poe’s plate; Karé and Iolo break into giggles when Jess slaps his hand away. Poe blinks, pulling the plate closer to himself as he waves his fork at Snap’s wandering fingers.

Jess winks at him just before she tries to peek at Karé’s cards.

Finn eats up.

 

\----------

 

For the first time in a few weeks neither Finn or Rey have work or plans for the evening, so they decide to order a pizza and spend a night in together.

They find the most ridiculous looking movie in Netflix’s sci-fi section to watch and settle in on the loveseat with pizza and beer. His knee knocks against Rey’s as he folds his legs beneath him. “So what’s Jess up to tonight?”

“Her parents are in town so she’s having dinner with them and her sister’s family tonight.”

“How come you’re not there?”

Rey shrugs. “They haven’t been here for a couple of years, I thought they should have some time to catch up and everything.”

“I mean I’m not a parent but a serious, loving relationship that’s been steady for a couple of months seems like the kind of thing someone would want to know about their kid. _Especially_ when their girlfriend is as awesome as you.”

Instead of the eye roll or semi-serious push he’s expecting, Rey just shrugs again. “They’re here for a week. I think - Jess wants me to meet them.”

“Rey! That’s so exciting,” He squeezes her knee. “You’re going to, right?”

“No. Yes. Probably?” Rey huffs and draws her knees into her chest. “I’ve never met someone’s parents before.”

Finn rubs her arm. “They’re going to love you, Rey.”

“You’re biased.”

“You’re a badass with a heart of gold and a solid head on your also solid shoulders, and you make their daughter happy. What more could they ask for?”

Rey stares the pizza box on the table. “Someone with a family, for a start.”

“You _have_ a family.” Finn moves until he’s pressed up against Rey’s side and hugs her face to his shoulder. “You have a family that loves you a _lot_. Even when you’re being silly.”

Rey huffs into his shirt, not bothering to move when she speaks up. “I know. I just - I really don’t want to screw this up.”

“You’re not going to screw it up.” He rubs circles into Rey’s back. “Jess is so over the moon for you I don’t think you _can_ screw it up. You should see her at work, it’s kind of embarrassing. She’s all _Rey said this_ or _Rey thinks that_.”

Rey lifts her head up, cheeks pink, a tentative smile growing. “Really?”

Finn nods. “For real, just be yourself. You’re already the best.”

Rey presses her forehead against his neck, silent for a long moment. Eventually she moves to grab a slice of pizza. She takes a huge bite, her attention falling back on him as she chews. “So.”

Finn raises an eyebrow.

“How’s Poe doing?”

Finn shrugs. “He’s fine. I mean, it’s not like I’m keeping tabs on him or anything. If you want to know how Poe’s doing you should probably ask Poe.”

Rey doesn't say anything.

“What?”

“Jess tells me you guys have been pretty close lately.”

Finn grabs another piece of pizza just to keep his hands busy. “Yeah, in a friendly way. Because we’re friends. Good friends.”

“Uh huh.”

“What do you want me to say, Rey? Okay, yes, I like him, of course I like him, but nothing’s going to ever happen.”

Rey sighs. “How do you know?”

“Well he's my captain, for one.”

“It’s not like it’s impossible to make a workplace romance work, even with him being your captain. He’s a good guy, and I think the two of you are solid enough to make it work if it’s worth the risks.”

“It’s not just that, Rey.”

Rey watches him. “So then what else is there?”

“He's six years older than me. He's _amazing_ , so brave and kind and seriously, Rey, you should have seen him with those kids at the school. He gave me the jacket _off his back_ just because I was a little chilly and he’s disgustingly nice to everyone all the time, and he’s unbearably hot. Everyone loves him, which makes sense because I’ve yet to find a single actual flaw? He’s so out of my league I don’t even think we’re on the same planet.”

Finn takes a deep breath, his face heating up. “Which is fine, really, because this is just a crush. Happens all the time. He's probably caused a few million crushes alone. I'll get over it and everything will be fine because he's a good friend.”

Rey stares at him. “Finn,”

He shrugs. “Seriously, it’s just a crush.”

“Finn."

He makes himself look at Rey, fighting to keep his eyes from straying to somewhere more comfortable.

“You're in love with him.”

Finn laughs. “That's ridiculous, I'm not in love with Poe.”

Rey’s still staring at him.

“I'm _not_ , I - that's not.” He shakes his head, swallowing to try to clear his suddenly dry throat. “It’s a - a crush. I'm not in love with Poe. I'm not.”

He swallows the end of his beer and lets the bitter flavour sit on his tongue.

He's in love with Poe.

 

\----------

 

They’ve just made it back to the station, tired but riding the high of a job well done. Finn’s putting equipment away while Poe runs through a quick check of the truck, the rest of the team throwing together what will hopefully be a half-decent dinner. He’s just finished checking the lines when something catches his attention out of the corner of his eye.

Poe is a few feet ahead of him, leaning against the truck with his helmet dangling from his hand. The man is hunched, his brows furrowed and skin unusually pale beneath the streaks of soot.

“Poe?” He tries to tamp down on the sudden panic rising in his chest as he moves closer to the other man. “What’s wrong?”

“Hm?” Poe glances at him, his features tense. “I’m fine, buddy.”

“You’re in pain, something’s wrong. Can I help you?”

“Finn, buddy, I’m totally fine. Just a little tuckered out, s’been a long day.” Poe reaches up, probably to pat his shoulder, but stutters and pats his forearm instead.

“Let me check you out or I’ll have dispatch send an ambulance.”

Poe frowns. “You know I’m technically your boss, right?”

“As a medical officer I effectively outrank you in situations where I have sufficient reason to believe you’re hurt or putting yourself in harm’s way,” He sends Poe his best glare. “And unless I’m able to make sure you’re not hiding some internal bleeding or a broken bone, I’d be neglecting my duty to not call in for help.”

Poe stares at him.

“Don’t worry though - as my boss I’m sure you’ll be proud to know I’m prepared to follow procedure to the letter, including contacting Chief Organa as soon as possible to give her a detailed report of the incident.”

“You’re evil.”

He sighs. “I know, it’s terrible how I want to make sure you live to see tomorrow.”

\--

Poe makes a total of eight pained grunts during the twenty-odd foot journey to his office. He collapses onto the small couch immediately, his breath hitching as he lands awkwardly.

“Seriously Finn, I’m just a little stiff.”

Finn doesn’t bother to refrain from rolling his eyes as he snaps on a pair of bright blue nitrile gloves. “What happened?”

“I just slipped and landed on the edge of the dining table.”

He stares at Poe, waiting.

“It may or may not have collapsed.”

Finn sighs. “You know, when I started here I thought you were the smooth, dashing hero type.” Poe stares at him, his mouth dropping open. He barrels on before Poe can dwell on it too much. “How’s your breathing?”

“S’fine.”

It’s incredibly likely that Poe is sugarcoating the situation, but the lack of coughing or wheezing is enough to assuage the worst of Finn’s doubt. “Where’s it hurt?”

“Ego, mostly.”

Finn sighs. He reminds himself that it wouldn’t be in his patient’s best interest to wipe the smirk off his face, no matter how ridiculous it is.

“Chest, I guess. But it’s like -” Poe clenches his jaw, his brows knitting together. “It’s really not that bad.”

“I’m going to start taking your jacket off okay? Tell me if you need me to stop.”

Poe nods once, face tight. Finn opens the closures slowly, his gaze flickering to Poe’s face as he tries to keep from pressing on his chest. When he finally gets it open and pulls it away from Poe’s chest, he gasps.

“Poe, you're bleeding.”

Poe looks down at his deep blue shirt, a not insignificant patch soaked through with blood. “... Oh.”

Finn slides the suspenders off Poe’s shoulders and unbuttons his shirt, slowly pulling it away from the wound. His stomach flips as he takes in the full extent of the damage.

“You know, if you wanted me to take my clothes off all you had to do was ask.”

He puts a handful of gauze on the laceration and grabs Poe’s hand to cover it. “Mm, well nothing gets me hot quite like some fresh blood.”

He tries to ignore Poe’s delighted grin and focuses on making sure Poe isn’t bleeding anywhere else. “Why Finn, I had no idea you were like this under all those buttons.”

“Was there a crack in your mask? It sounds like all that smoke went to your head.”

Poe snorts, his breath hitching. “Oh no, shit, don’t make me laugh.”

The bit of humour they’d managed to build up floods out of Finn at the pained breathing. He moves Poe’s hand and pushes his shirt down his arms. Ignoring the squeak of protest that comes from Poe, he cuts his undershirt open along the center of his torso.

“Hey, you owe me a new shirt, buddy.”

Finn pulls it off Poe’s shoulders, watching the other man’s expression for any hints of pain. “Yeah, well -” His response dies on his lips.

There’s a large bruise wrapped around Poe’s right side, his ribs outlined in shades of dark purple and blue.

Finn takes a deep breath. He does what he's been trained to do. He doesn't think about what it could mean if Poe has broken ribs, of the likelihood of a flail chest or puncturing a lung. He doesn't think about all of the added damage Poe’s sustained after getting up and continuing his job, or how many complications can arise even from a relatively minor injury.

He does let himself think about how Poe’s an idiot. “You're an idiot.”

Poe lets Finn lean him forward to check his back. “I know.”  

Finn grabs his stethoscope, putting the chestpiece on Poe’s shoulder. Poe tenses as the cool metal is pressed against his skin. “You could warn a guy, you know.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, was that uncomfortable compared to your possibly broken ribs?”

“Is this how you treat all your patients? Maybe I should tell the chief it's time for a review.”

Finn snorts. From this angle he can see the hint of a dimple in his cheek, nearly hidden by the ever-present stubble. He doesn't bother responding, instead focusing on listening to Poe’s lungs. The knot in his stomach begins to loosen when he hears clear, normal breaths.

He cleans up the cut on Poe’s chest, dressing it carefully. It’s a simple enough procedure that it’s fairly easy for his mind to drift and of course Poe actually manages to settle down when Finn could really use the distraction. Instead, he just watches Finn work in silence, his gaze heavy on Finn’s face.

Finn does his best to keep his eyes trained on his own hands as he works. He doesn’t notice the spattering of dark chest hair, or how the muscles in Poe's neck shift every time he swallows. He does not look at the black and grey hairs forming a trail just below Poe’s navel, no matter how much they stand out against the golden skin. He definitely doesn’t see the old, pale scars outlining the bottom of his pectoral muscles or the freckles that form constellations along his collarbones.

He mentally shakes himself once he’s finished bandaging the wound, relieved to find Poe’s ribs aren’t quite as bad as they look. He can't feel anything obviously broken and Poe didn't seem to be in too much agony. “You'll have to take a few weeks off, but they should heal up fine.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your ribs will need time to heal, Poe.”

“Like hell. I'm not taking a _month_ off, I'm fine.”

Finn sighs. “You're not going to be able to do anything strenuous until they're healed - you're having trouble breathing just sitting here. How are you going to do your job?”

Poe watches him for a moment, face heavy. Eventually he leans forward and drops his head onto his good arm. “This fucking sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” Finn snaps his gloves off and presses his palms flat on Poe’s knees, rubbing his thumbs in small circles. “But you're going to be okay. You'll get to spend some downtime with BB-8 and when you come back everyone will tell you about all the exciting adventures you've missed.”

Poe breathes a laugh. “Jerk.”

“Nobody has to visit anyone in a hospital. It could have been a lot worse than an impromptu vacation, I -” He swallows. “You got lucky, Poe.”

Poe’s hands circle his wrists loosely, his thumbs grazing Finn's pulse points. He wonders if Poe can feel the jump in his heartbeat. “I'm lucky ‘cause I have you.”

Finn melts, utterly undone by just a few words. Poe looks so genuine, a soft, glorious smile lighting up his face even through the pain and exhaustion and grime.

“I'm - I was just - just doing my job.”

Poe bites his lip, cupping Finn’s jaw with one hand. “You're a good man, Finn Smith. Thank you.”

Poe tilts Finn’s head up, his thumb brushing back and forth across his cheek. Before he can stop himself, his gaze drops to Poe’s lips. A sliver of Poe’s tongue slips out and drags over his bottom lip, wetting it. His gaze jumps back to Poe’s, to where Poe is still looking at him.

Oh.

He leans forward, heart leaping into his throat when he sees Poe moving too. He can see every eyelash, every freckle dotting his gorgeous face. Poe’s breath puffs against his cheek, a reassuring reminder that this is real.

Poe’s nose presses against his, nuzzling softly, making Finn’s breath hitch. His grip on Poe’s knees tightens, anticipation thick in his chest as he closes his eyes and -

The door opens. Finn pulls away as far as he can manage while still on his knees.

“Oh, there you guys are.” Karé pauses, staring at Poe’s torso. “What the _fuck_ Poe?”

“M’fine, Finn patched me up good as new.” Poe seizes up, pain flashing across his face as he coughs. “Or I will be, anyway.”

Karé glances at him.

“Yeah, uh.” Finn stands up and turns away from Poe. “He’s got some bruised ribs but as long as he rests and doesn't overdo it for a while he should be fine.”

“Define a while.”

“A few weeks, probably. He should go see a doctor tomorrow, though. Just to be sure.”

Karé nods. “Does the chief know?”

“I’m right here, thanks.”

“You’re an idiot.” Karé glares at Poe. Poe rolls his eyes but doesn’t try to argue.

“Um,” Finn swallows. “I have to - I should go talk to the chief and I have to write this all up. Can you uh, make sure he gets home okay?”

Karé barely has time to nod before he's out the door.

 

\----------

 

Poe is gone for three weeks.

Finn texts him every so often but Poe's responses are short and perfunctory so he stops trying after two weeks.

He’s pretty desperate to talk about it but he can take a hint.

 _It_ has yet to stop replaying in his mind since he left Poe and Karé in the office. He’s even dreamed about it, about everything that could have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted. It’s agonizing.

He’s fairly sure he’s losing his mind.

Karé tried to ask him about it when things settled down a few days later but he didn't know what to say, had no idea how to tell her that his massive more-than-a-crush on his sort of boss might be mutual but might not and now it’s out it the open but also _not_ , and he's stuck in this weird limbo when he was so close to getting exactly what he wanted but is now farther away than ever before. He’s embarrassingly desperate to know if she asked Poe too, if he had anything to say.

He almost considers taking the day that Poe comes back off, but that is _ridiculous_ and he's not going to hide when he did nothing wrong. Plus, unless he transferred to a different station in a different city - or continent, to be safe - he would have to face Poe eventually.

By the time the big day arrives, he's managed to convince himself that it's really okay that Poe doesn't want to be with him. It's _better_ than okay, really, because if Poe did reciprocate these ridiculous feelings they would have to navigate not only a workplace romance, but a relationship involving someone in his chain of command.

It would be messy and stressful and they'd have to choose between hiding it from their friends or telling the chief and having one of the most important people in Poe's life tell them they have to either stop working together or break up.

They'd argue about what was best for whom, about what should happen, and eventually about everything. They’d stop touching, stop talking. It would drag on for however long before one of them snapped and ended it. He’d lose a good friend, a great captain, and possibly the love of his life, not to mention all of his coworkers who happen to basically be Poe’s family.

So really, it’s for the best when Poe walks into the station, nods at him with a quick _hey, man_ and is already beginning to move on by the time Finn manages to stumble through a response.

The day passes agonizingly slowly, but Poe spends most of it cooped up in his office catching up on everything he’s missed. The small amount of time when he’s not there he’s with Organa. It’s not that surprising - three weeks is an extremely long time for a captain to be away - but he doesn’t even join them for lunch.

By the time the day’s over he’s seen Poe three times for a combined length of maybe two minutes.

The light in his office is still on when everyone else is leaving for the night. Finn should probably give him space and let him do his thing, or maybe get one of the other guys to make sure he’s okay. He could tomorrow anyway, unless he felt like sprinting to the parking lot and trying to drag someone back without giving everything away.

Chief Organa is still here, but he’s pretty sure slipping and dying right in front of her would be less embarrassing than trying to explain the situation to her.

He stops in front of the door to Poe’s office. Raises his hand to knock, then decides better and turns on his heel, walking towards the front door. He stops again and turns back to stare at the door, hoping desperately that it might somehow give him a clue as to what he should do.

Seconds tick by.

Nothing happens.

He sighs. Before he has a chance to overthink anything - or more accurately to continue to overthink everything - he walks back to the office door and knocks several times.

“I swear I’m packing up right now, chief.”

Finn takes a deep breath, steeling himself as he opens the door. “Hey.”

Poe looks up from where he’s hunched over his desk, his mouth falling open in surprise. “Oh,”

“Sorry for interrupting you, I uh. Are you okay?”

Poe frowns, nodding slightly. “Yeah, buddy. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just…” Finn pauses and takes in the dark bags under Poe’s abnormally dim eyes, the tight lines around his mouth. “I just wanted to check.”

Poe nods again. “Um, yeah. Just trying to crawl my way out of this massive rabbit hole of paperwork. You’d be amazed at how much can pile up in three weeks.” Poe grins, but it doesn’t quite manage to reach his eyes.

“Okay, good.” Finn bites his lip, glancing down at the floor. “Can we - um. Talk?”

The weak smile Poe had managed drops. A few seconds stretch by before Poe blinks. “I’m sorry Finn, I’ve got a ton of stuff to do right now.” Poe pauses, looking down at the pile of paperwork in front of him. “Maybe another time.”

Finn nods. “Sure, yeah. Have a good night.”

He turns and leaves the office before Poe can respond.

This is for the best.

 

\----------

 

Jess has a bonfire the first week of September.

It’s a beautiful night, the summer heat still lingering but not stifling. The cool breeze mingles with the heat from the fire, so comfortable that Finn could easily fall asleep here.

He’s tucked into the bench with Jess and Rey, while everyone else is lounging on lawn chairs around the fire pit.

Snap only stays for a few minutes, just making a pit stop on his way to his kids. After Karé and Iolo head out for a pub quiz, Finn figures Poe will bow out pretty quickly - this is already the most time they’ve spent around each other in the month Poe has been back - but he stays.

It's nice. Even with Jess and Rey holding most of the conversation's weight, it’s the easiest he's felt around Poe in a long time. They can fall into a normal conversational lull without finding that awkward tension that's become the norm - they've even managed eye contact. It's wonderfully refreshing.

They chat mindlessly, somehow falling into a debate about what is the best animated movie as the setting sun gives way to a night sky dotted by stars.

“Hold up,” Finn leans forward and stares at Poe. “Are you seriously telling me you’ve never seen Big Hero 6?”

Poe blinks. “Um.”

“It’s only one of the _best_ modern movies.”

Rey taps his thigh with her foot, holding up a fist. “Ba-la-la-la.”

Finn grins, repeating Rey as he bumps their fists together. Poe stares at them with a confused frown. He shrugs. “You’re the one missing out, man. Watch the movie.”

“I’ll put it on my list, but there’s no way it’s better than The Iron Giant. Or Kiki’s Delivery Service.”

Finn rolls his eyes. “You can’t say that though, you haven’t even _seen_ it.”

“We should do a movie night.” Jess interjects, grinning to herself. “Each time a different person picks the movie, it’d be fun.”

Rey nods. “Yeah, that’d be nice. But you’ll just pick Bend it Like Beckham and then rant about how they should’ve been gay.”

“Well they _should’ve_ been -”

Rey snorts. “You’re such a dork.”

“Thanks babe, love you too.”

Finn watches the happy smile bloom across his best friend’s features as Jess plants a ridiculously noisy kiss on her cheek. He glances at Poe, warmth spreading through his chest when the other man smiles back at him. For an infinitesimally short moment before he can stop himself he wonders if this is what a double date would be like for them.  

The sudden desire from that one tiny thought explodes within him, rushes through him as if he's been burned. He wants it so badly his chest aches with it. He wants to go on double dates with his best friend, wants to cuddle with his partner in front of a fire, craves the open affection that he knows Poe is full of. He wants those movie nights with Rey and Jess, and other movie nights with just Poe so they can cuddle and make out and fall asleep on top of each other halfway through the film.

He wants that love.

He tears his gaze away from Poe and pulls himself back to reality. They've barely spoken to each other in the weeks since Poe returned. It's a stretch to call them friends at this point - dreaming of something more than that is more absurd than ever.

He sighs, idly rolling his empty glass between his hands. “I think I’m going to head out, I’m pretty wiped. I’ll see you guys later.”

Jess pats his shoulder as he gets up. Rey grabs his arm and pulls him close so she can kiss his cheek. “Text me when you get home.”

“Yes ma’am.” He gives her a sloppy salute and ruffles her hair, jogging towards the house before she can pull him in for her revenge.

He pauses in Jess’ house to use the bathroom and almost runs into Poe when he goes back into the hallway.

“Oh,” Poe freezes barely two feet away from him. “Uh, sorry buddy. I didn’t know you were still…”

Finn nods, rubbing at a sudden itch behind his ear. “Yeah, no, I’m going, I just had to use the bathroom real quick.”

Poe nods back at him. “Of course, Rey’s lemonade really goes right through you.”

“Yeah,” He breathes a laugh. “It’s worth it though, it’s the best lemonade I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah.” Poe nods again, chewing at his lip. “It was a good night though, hey? A beautiful night for a bonfire.”

“It really was. I’m glad Jess did this, I had a really good time - even if we discovered some people’s appalling holes in their movie repertoire.”

Poe smiles. It’s small, close-mouthed, dimples barely visible, but it’s _there_. Finn’s heart jumps in his chest.

“Well, maybe if it’s so important to you you should -” Poe pauses and twists to look back towards the back of the house. Finn blinks and has to hold back a sigh when he hears Rey and Jess talking as they come into the house.

Shit.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

Poe turns back around and blinks at him. “Oh, uh. Nothing. Just - I’ll let you know if I watch it.”

“Yeah, okay.” Finn nods. “I’m gonna get going. See you on Monday.”

It takes all of his strength to not hit his head against the wall on his way out.

 

\----------

 

The fire is ruthless.

They're doing their best, using every tool at their disposal, but they all know they're fighting a losing battle. The fire is too strong, too large for them to save the structure, it’s just a matter of time before they have to pull out.

They’ve gotten the family out safe and sound, but after tonight they'll be homeless.

Finn is almost through one last check of the building when fire suddenly spirals from one wall to another, engulfing the ceiling. The structure is going to collapse, probably within minutes. Poe is yelling in his ear over the radio, ordering them to evacuate.

They have to get out of there.

Finn runs.

“Is everyone clear?”

“Almost, hang on,” He makes it through the kitchen, can see the end of the hall where the door is wide open, he's so close -

“I’m in the bedroom, I’m pinned dow-” Snap’s voice disappears as the radio cuts out.

Shit.

Finn turns back. The edges of his surroundings fade away, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. The heat builds and builds, the smoke so thick he has to keep a hand on the wall to guide himself as he moves one step at a time.

Time is running out fast.

When he finally makes it to the bedroom he finds Snap on his stomach, a leg pinned under debris. He’s fighting, trying to push it away, but he can’t reach. Finn rushes closer and drops to his knees, pulling at the chunks of metal and wood with all his might.

They manage to get most of the debris off. Snap pulls his leg away as soon as it’s clear, scrambling to his feet. They catch a lucky break - he’s able to walk on his own. Finn grabs at his coat and pulls him in front so he can keep an eye on him.

Finn smiles to himself when they make it to the hallway. They did it. They’re okay. He can see the open door, can almost feel the cool night air. They’re going to be okay.

He’s halfway through the hall when the world goes black.

\--

The first thing Finn registers is pain.

His entire body is throbbing. It feels like his head is on fire, like he’s woken up in the middle of the worst migraine of his life. His dry throat burns when he groans, dryer than its ever been before. He lifts his arm to try to reach for his alarm clock and stop the shrill beeping but as soon as he moves pain bursts across his back, sharp sparks burning down his limbs. It cuts through him like a jagged knife and pushes all the air out of his lungs.

He curls into himself, breathing shallowly as he prays for the pain to subside. He cracks an eye open and immediately shuts it, the harsh fluorescent lights strengthening the throbbing in his head. He blinks slowly and uses his arm to block the worst of it. After a few painful minutes his gaze finally settles on the source of the noise.

A cardiac monitor.

He isn’t in his bed.

He’s in a hospital room, wearing a hospital gown, and attached to an IV, cardiac monitor, and pulse oximeter. He’s in pain. It doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.

The last thing he remembers is finding Snap pinned down in the bedroom. Something must have gone wrong. Obviously he failed. They didn’t get out in time. He turns his head to the side and stares at the empty bed beside his. Snap should be here too, he would be here unless -

Finn tries to sit up but his muscles refuse to cooperate, his back spasming in protest. He falls back with a hiss, the pain so intense it takes his breath away.

Something moves on top of the bed near his knee. He starts, glancing - on the edge of the bed, near his knees, is Poe. His head is resting on an arm, a sliver of drool shining at the edge of his lip.

Finn shifts, pushing his knee against Poe. “Poe?”

Poe jumps. He glances at Finn, his mouth falling open in surprise. “Finn! You’re awake!”

“What happened? Where’s Snap?”

Poe sits up, wiping a rough hand over his face. Now that Finn can really look at him he notices the heavy bags beneath his red eyes, his washed out complexion. He looks like shit. Something must be really wrong. “What do you remember?”

“Snap’s leg was trapped under some debris.” Finn drops his gaze to where his hands are bunched in the thin blanket, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to hear. “What happened to him?”

“He’s fine, he - he’s fine.” Poe nods when Finn looks at him in surprise. “You saved his life, Finn.”

Finn nods, his eyes stinging. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and lets it sink in. Poe takes his hand and squeezes it tight, tracing small circles with his thumb while Finn tries to regulate his breathing.

“The house was going to collapse.” Poe’s gaze is glued to the bed, but he holds onto Finn as if his life depends on it. “If Snap hadn’t gotten stuck, there would’ve been time. But he did, and you went back. I saw you in the hall, you didn’t even hesitate when he called.”

Poe pauses. He looks at Finn, his eyes shining. “You got him out, though. He made it out of the house with just a few scratches. He told us you were right behind him, but you didn’t come out. We found you unconscious in the hallway. A piece of the beam had broken off and hit you.” Poe's voice breaks. For a moment only the rhythmic beep of the monitor fills the otherwise silent room.

“You’ve been unconscious for two days. Uh, the doctors said you should be okay - it hit really close to your spinal cord, you could have, um. But nothing major was damaged - they didn’t know how long it would take, but they said as long as you woke up, that you’d - you can make a full recovery.”

Poe huffs, a pained smile twisting his features. “It’s been a really long two days, buddy.” He sniffs and pulls his hand away from Finn’s to wipe at his nose. “I’m sorry, I - I’m probably scaring you. I’m going to go get the doc, okay? She’ll be better at this.”

Poe gets up and back away before Finn’s brain can catch up and try to hold onto him. “I’ll call the guys too, okay? They all want to see you. They really, they were worried. And Rey, she was here earlier, she should - she needs to know.”

“Poe -”

Poe doesn’t slow down. “It’s good to - I’m glad you’re awake, Finn.”

\--

Things don't improve after Poe leaves.

Finn's doctor is wonderful and kind, but even with her comforting tone all of the big words add up to something heavy in his gut. She tells him that he should be fine, that ‘unless complications arise’ he can expect to escape any real permanent damage. That he got lucky.

The relief that came when Poe told him about Snap quickly gives way to frustration and anxiety from his current situation. He can’t move without his body seizing up in pain, stiff from the trauma and two days of disuse. Once the pain meds kick in he’s left woozy and his thoughts become scattered, leaving it incredibly difficult for him to focus through all the tests and machines he’s put through over the next few hours.

By late afternoon he’s left alone in room while they wait for test results and his body to begin functioning again. Rey had called him earlier but she's stuck at work until late that evening.

He wishes Poe was still here.

It would be nice to have anyone here, he’d be happy if the other bed in the room wasn’t empty just for someone to talk to, but he doesn’t understand why Poe isn’t here. Why he was here and then left as soon as Finn woke up. He wants to ask Poe what happened, wants to pull him onto the tiny bed and hug him until they’re both feeling better.

He’s deep in the middle of that daydream when the door opens.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Iolo grins, his demeanor quieter than normal. Behind him, the rest of the squad piles into the room along with Chief Organa.

He blinks at the door, waiting for it to open again and Poe to come through.

Snap clears his throat. “Thank you, Finn. You saved my life.”

Finn smiles. “Anytime, man.”

Chief Organa steps forward, putting a hand on his shoulder with an expression that pulls at something in Finn’s chest. “It’s so good to see you, Finn.”

“Thank you ma’am.”

The chief squeezes his shoulder. “You did good work, son. I’m very proud of you.”

“Yeah, right up until you knocked yourself out and scared the shit out of us.” Jess sits on the bed near his feet. “If you ever do that again you're going to answer to us.”

Finn grins.

“Anyway, since you apparently have some trouble keeping yourself safe, we got you this.” Iolo puts a teddy bear in Finn’s lap. It’s wonderfully soft and cute, dressed up in a firefighter uniform. “This is Captain Cuddles, first name Theodore. He’s going to watch your back and make sure you don’t pull any stupid shit again.”

Finn hugs the bear to his chest. “Thank you guys.”

They catch him up on the past couple of days and tell him how much they’ve missed him at the station. It’s wonderful having them all here with him, but there's still a big, brightly coloured elephant sitting in the corner of the room.

He doesn't ask where Poe is.

The nurse kicks them out after an hour or so when they get a little too rowdy. Everyone hugs him goodbye, far too gentle for his liking. He sighs and drops his gaze to Captain Cuddles as they file out so he won’t have to see all the space in the empty room.

A minute after they leave the door opens again and Karé comes back in, perching on the edge of Finn’s bed. She looks at him with an assessing gaze.

“Did you, uh, forget something?”

“Are you okay?” She slides further onto the bed and crosses her long legs. “Like, I know you’re going to be fine physically, but are you okay?”

Finn nods automatically then pauses, biting his lip. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

He drops his gaze to the teddy bear again. “Is Poe mad at me? Did something happen while I was unconscious?”

“What?”

“I just - Poe was here when I woke up. He was asleep and when I woke him up, the way he looked - I thought that Snap died.” He swallows. “But then he said he was fine, so I don’t know what would make him… He left before I could ask him anything, Karé. I don’t understand.”

“Finn…” Karé sighs.

Finn’s face heats up. “Never mind, it’s fine, it’s nothing.”

“Poe didn’t leave your bedside the entire time you were unconscious.”

“What?”

“I brought him food and clothes because if I didn’t he probably wouldn't have even noticed. He fought with your nurse and almost got dragged out by security before the chief stepped in. He barely even left long enough to take a piss.”

Finn frowns. “Really?”

“Yeah, Finn. Really.” Karé nods. “You didn’t see him. After Snap came out and said you were supposed to be right behind him. Poe dragged you out himself. We had to pull him off you just so the paramedics could check you out. He never loses his cool but he lost it there, kid.”

“I don’t - then why did he leave so fast?”

Karé watches him silently. After a moment she sighs, her shoulders dropping. “Look. Poe should really be the one telling you this, but sometimes he’s a bit of an idiot and you deserve to know about it.”

“Um. Okay?”

“You know how him, Iolo and I have all known each other since we were at the academy together?”

Finn nods.

“We were also friends with this guy Muran. He was quiet, pretty awkward until you got to know him. If you were lucky enough to get past that, he was actually really sweet. He was great, kind of reined us in from doing anything too crazy back before we had the wisdom we do now.

“By the end of the first year we were super tight. The only thing that kept us from being this like, super foursome of friendship was that Poe and Muran both had these really embarrassing crushes on each other.”

Finn’s stomach drops. “Did they…”

Karé shakes her head. “No, they just danced around each other. Muran was super introverted, and Poe’s… Poe, so they were both just kind of doomed to believe that their feelings were unrequited. We all graduated together and then Leia took us on. We were on top of the world. We were going to change it, one fire at a time.”

Finn frowns. “I don't understand. Did Muran leave?”

Karé’s gaze drops. “No. After we’d been working together for a few months, things were really good. We were all so excited, riding high on every success. Poe finally got his shit together and kissed Muran one day, in the middle of a shift. Of course, the alarm went off before anything could really happen or they could talk about it or whatever. They only had eyes for each other on the drive to the job, let me tell you, the secondhand embarrassment was so strong.”

“So they did get together?”

Karé shakes her head again. “The job was another house fire, kind of like this one except there was a ton of accelerant. It was really hard to control and after we thought we finally had it under control it surprised us. Muran got caught when the floor gave out. We tried everything we could but he didn’t make it.”

He stares at Karé, completely at a loss for words.

“It changed all of us, but he took it the hardest. It was a couple years before he really got over it.” Karé catches his gaze. “I haven't seen him like he was with Muran since - until you came along.”

Finn glances down and shakes his head. “He’s just looking out for someone under his command.”

Karé rolls her eyes. “Finn. You know that jacket Poe gave you after only knowing you for a few months?”

“... Yeah?”

“That belonged to Shara Bey. As in his mom who he loves with all his heart and lost at a very young age.”

Finn falls back against his pillow, shell shocked.

“I know you and Poe haven't done anything, but he cares about you. A lot. More than he's cared about someone in a long time. I don't know what you plan to do about it, but -”

“I'm not going to do anything about it, it's inappropriate and against the regs.”

“The regs are in place to prevent anyone from getting too attached.” Karé smiles. “I think it's a little too late for that, kid.”

“I don't -” Finn sighs. “I don’t know what I'm supposed to do, Karé.”

“Talk to him, okay? You're going to be off for awhile so you guys have some time to figure it out.” Karé pats his arm. “Whatever happens, you've got us behind you. But you need to talk to him, okay?”

Finn nods. “I will.”

 

\----------

 

He doesn’t talk to Poe.

He gets out of the hospital after two days on the promise that he’ll live on the couch for the next few weeks.

The amount of help he gets from the team is a little overwhelming. Between Iolo, Karé, and Snap his fridge is fuller than it’s ever been, and Rey and Jess keep the loneliness and melancholy from getting the best of him.

The thing is, though, being forced to sit and wait for his body to heal itself is it leaves basically nothing for his mind to focus on. Even when he's playing a game or watching a movie his thoughts drift.

He has a feeling Poe could help a lot with that, even if it wasn't usually Poe that he found himself thinking about.

He hasn't spoken to Poe since he got out of the hospital. It’s been total radio silence for nearly two weeks. He misses Poe so badly, misses the friendship that had finally begun to settle into something comfortable. Something sustainable, even if it wasn't exactly what he wanted.

After his talk with Karé he thought that it might be possible, but he also thought Poe would come see him in the hospital again - at least call him or something. It doesn't make sense that he’d spend two full days holding vigil at Finn’s bedside and then not say a word to him afterwards if he was interested in Finn like that. Poe was there out of an overgrown sense of duty, because he needed to make sure Finn - an officer under his command that was injured while on duty - would be okay.

He still doesn't understand why Poe gave him Shara Bey’s jacket.

He wants to ask Poe about it - about anything, really, just wants to hear his voice - but for all the texts he starts he doesn't finish a single one.

He goes for a drive to clear his head, not quite healed enough to walk around for as long as he needs to be out of his apartment right now.

He drives around the neighborhood, past the station and the park he's itching to go for a run in. He drives without a destination in mind, the cool fall breeze making him feel more refreshed than he has in weeks.

After half an hour the street he ends up on feels vaguely familiar. He drives at a leisurely pace, his heart stopping when he realizes where he is.

Poe’s house is about fifty feet ahead of him, his truck parked in the driveway.

Finn stops in front of it. He’s frozen, his mind reeling. He should leave, needs to gather himself before he sees Poe. After everything that’s happened, he needs to know exactly what he’d say or -

A car honks from behind him. He starts and pulls into the driveway beside Poe’s truck to get out of the way.

He takes a deep breath and shuts off the engine.

Sitting in his car on Poe’s driveway is absolutely ridiculous and he could really use a quick stretch after sitting for so long, so he gets out.

The next thing Finn knows, he’s standing in front of Poe’s door.

He shifts his weight from foot to foot, raising a hand to the doorbell only to drop it again. It’s beautiful out, the perfect fall day. He could go for a walk, clear his head. He raises his hand again and presses the doorbell before he can stop himself, suddenly realizing he has no idea what he should say.

Shit.

He turns and looks at his car, wonders if he could get far enough away before Poe makes it to the door. BB-8 is barking, muffled but obviously right on the other side of the door. Finn turns and takes a step back, tensing when he hears the door open. He turns around.

Poe is staring at him, mouth slack.

He swallows and glances at his feet. “Can we talk?”

\--

Poe leads him to the living room. They sit across from each other, only a few feet and the coffee table between them. It’s closer than they’ve been in ages but with the stifling tension in the room squeezing at his chest there may as well be a football field between them.

He knows he needs to say something, _anything_ , but every time he tries the words die on his tongue. BB-8 jumps onto the couch and nuzzles him why he tries to collect his thoughts, blissfully ignorant of the strained silence.

“You look, um. Good. A lot better.”

“Thanks, yeah. Doctor Kalonia says I should be fit for duty pretty soon.”

Poe’s smile almost reaches his eyes as he runs a hand over his days-old stubble. “Hey, that’s great buddy. Everyone’s really missed you.”

Finn just barely stops himself from asking if Poe would include himself on that list. They fall into silence again. He keeps his eyes on BB-8, watching his fingers trace patterns in her soft fur.

“So, um. What did you want to talk to me about?”

He takes a deep breath, willing himself to look up at Poe. “Why haven’t I seen you since I woke up?”

Poe drops his gaze, fingers clutching at his jeans. “I, um. I’m sorry, Finn. I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy to text or call?”

Poe winces, running one hand through his already wild hair. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

“I wanted to see you.”

Poe stares at him, visibly deflating. It takes all of Finn’s willpower to not look away.

“I don’t -”

“Poe,” Finn waits until Poe finally looks up at him to speak again. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“Finn -”

“No, listen to me. What happened to Snap wasn’t your fault, and it sure as hell wasn’t your fault when I _decided_ to go back for him. I knew what the risks were. I knew the building was going down.”

Poe shakes his head. “It’s my job to keep you safe and you ended up in the hospital.”

“It wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t Snap’s fault for getting caught up. It was an accident. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”  
  
“I should have made the call to evacuate sooner. I should have been the one to go back. I wasn’t that much farther than you, I could’ve -”

“- I was closest to him, and I still didn’t have enough time. And that’s not because I fucked up or just dawdled along. I was the closest to Snap and I did everything I could. I know you’re the best, but you’re not a superhero, either. If you ordered me to leave without him I would’ve ignored it.” Finn pauses. “I don’t have a single regret, Poe. Not one. I wouldn’t have done any of it differently.”

Poe leans his elbows on his knees and covers his face with his hands. His fingers tremble against his face. “I thought you died.”

Poe’s words hit Finn like a brick wall.

“When I found you, you were - you were just laying there. You were under this huge beam and -” Poe’s voice cracks. “I had to drag you. I had to drag you out because you weren’t moving. You looked - you were so pale, you had lost a lot of blood. I thought -”

Finn stands up and moves towards Poe, sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. Their knees brush. “I didn’t die, Poe.”

Poe takes a ragged breath. Heart in his throat, Finn takes one of Poe’s hands, gently pulling it away from his face. He places it on his chest, directly above his heart, and presses it flat with his own. He holds Poe’s hand there, positive he can feel the strong beat hammering in his chest. “I’m still here.”

Poe looks up at him. His cheeks are wet, brows knit together with pain and guilt. “I’m so sorry.”

Finn squeezes Poe’s hand, smiling. “I’m not.”

Poe leans forward and presses his lips against Finn’s. His aim is off, his mouth landing near the corner of Finn’s and their noses knock together before Finn tilts his head to a better angle. Poe ends up kneeling on the floor between Finn’s legs, their hands still tangled awkwardly between them.

It’s perfect.

He lets go of Poe’s hand so he can cup his jaw with both hands, dragging his thumbs along Poe’s stubbled cheek. Poe gasps, his hands clutching Finn’s shirt. Finn doesn’t hesitate in licking his way into Poe’s mouth.

Poe moans, a gorgeous, low sound that sends sparks down Finn’s spine. He overwhelms Finn’s senses, the outside world shrinking until there’s nothing but Poe’s lips against his, Poe’s hands warm on the back of his neck, Poe’s cologne in the air.

Finn leans into Poe when the other man wraps his arms around his waist, but they overbalance. He slides off the table and falls into Poe’s lap; the painful spasm in his back is absolutely worth it for the way he can _feel_ Poe’s surprised laugh against his mouth.

He presses kisses along Poe’s grinning mouth, nudging Poe’s nose with his own when he loses the battle against his own smile. Poe wraps his arms around Finn’s waist and runs one hand along his back. He pulls back enough to take a look at the other man, heat blooming between his hips at the sight of Poe’s kiss-swollen lips. Poe stares at him, cheeks pink and eyes spectacularly bright.

He cups Poe’s cheek, wiping away the bits of remaining moisture with his thumb. “Hey,”

Poe covers Finn’s hand with his own and turns his head, pressing a kiss to the center of his palm. He turns back to Finn with an utterly radiant smile. “I love you, Finn. So much.”

Finn's breath catches in his throat. He kisses Poe again, just because that's something he can do now. He moves slowly, with lingering touches. There's no rush - he can get used to this, to touching Poe and to Poe touching him.

They smile at each other when Finn pulls away, giddy laughter bubbling between them. Now that he gets to say the words that have been calling his heart a home for months they come easily, and with Poe surrounding him, looking at him like that, Finn is positive this is the best feeling in the world.

“I love you too.”

 

\----------

 

Finn wakes up half an hour before his alarm is set to go off. There's a heavy, warm weight on his chest and a leg tangled between his. Poe’s quiet snores fill the otherwise silent room.

Finn thinks about pulling himself out of bed and taking a shower before Poe wakes up. He's gotten good at untangling himself from the sleeping man, but it's far more fun the other way. He draws circles into the sensitive skin of Poe's bare shoulder and has to bite his lip when the other man begins to wake up.

Poe sighs, rubbing his cheek against Finn’s chest. He hums when Finn runs his fingers through his hair, shifting against him in a full-body stretch.

Finn brushes Poe's bangs away from his forehead and presses a kiss against the warm skin. “Good morning, sunshine.”

Poe grunts. He kisses the part of Finn’s chest that's already under his lips. “Time s’it?”

“Just after 5:30.”

“ _What_?” Poe pushes himself up onto his elbows, digging into Finn’s chest, and blinks at the alarm clock. “¡A la gran puchica! Why do you always do this?”

Finn laughs as Poe drops back on to his chest.

“I hate you.”

Finn laughs. “You love me.”

“Can’t hear you, ‘m going back to sleep.”

Finn hums. “Okay.” He kisses Poe's cheek and forces himself to get up.

Poe grabs his arm and tugs him back down, pulling him into a wonderful, warm kiss full of stale morning breath. He sighs and runs his fingers through Poe's hair. “See you in half an hour.”

Poe grunts and pulls the comforter up to his chin.

\--

Finn goes through his morning routine automatically, his mind drifting to his partner as he prepares himself for the day ahead. He’s already most of the way through making their breakfast when he hears the man in question moving around upstairs.

Poe comes downstairs and into the kitchen without a word, quietly pressing himself against Finn’s back and wrapping his arms around Finn’s middle. He tucks his head into Finn’s shoulder, his breath warm and only slightly ticklish against his neck.

Finn sighs and lets himself lean against Poe’s chest. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Poe groans.

Finn drops his spatula onto the counter and hands Poe the mug of coffee that’s been waiting for him. Poe presses a kiss to the base of his neck, moaning as he takes his first sip. “Love you.”

“You talking to me or the coffee?”

Poe breathes a laugh. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence. The sleepy cat that he is before his caffeine kicks in Poe rubs his face against the back of Finn’s neck, barely pulling away to sip at his mug. They stand like that until breakfast is ready.

\--

They manage to make it to the station with a few minutes to spare, their shoulders bumping as they walk in together. Poe leaves him with a squeeze to his wrist before heading towards Leia’s office. Finn allows himself a moment to indulge and just watch his partner before he makes his way to the locker room.

Karé and Jess are straddling the bench where Jess is working on making two tight french braids in Karé’s bright blonde hair. Iolo’s leaning against his locker and talking about what sounds like some sort of strange movie.

Finn opens his locker and lets himself pause to take in the pictures taped to his locker door. His gaze catches on his favourite of the bunch - Poe and him smiling at each other, totally lost in their own world.

They had been celebrating at Karé’s after the ceremony where the city awarded Finn the medal of valor. Poe pulled him into a hallway and kissed the daylights out of him, whispering about how proud he was, how much he loved him. Poe had called him his hero with such genuine openness that Finn’s heart stuttered in his chest. They stayed there in the hallway, Poe holding him while he tried to comprehend just how lucky he was.

Neither of them had noticed Jess come into the hallway or take her phone out, a fact which Finn is grateful for every day.

He closes his locker and turns towards his friends.

“Do you lovebirds want to do a movie night tonight?” Jess asks, her attention still on Karé’s hair. “Or are you going to be busy canoodling?”

Finn snorts. “Canoodling, really?”

“If the shoe fits, Smith.” Iolo smirks.

Finn shakes his head at Iolo. “I’d be up for a movie, yeah. Poe’s probably in too. Who’s turn is it to pick?”

Jess glances at him with an extremely unimpressed look. “Poe.”

“So it’ll be romance, then.”

Karé nods. “Do us a favour? Try to keep him away from anything that involves singing.”

“Hey now,” Iolo frowns. “Don’t insult musicals just because you have bad taste.”

Finn laughs. “Do you guys really think I have that kind of power over Poe?”

Three pairs of eyes stare at him.

“Fine, I’ll try.”

They head into the conference room as soon as Jess has finished Karé’s hair. Snap and Poe are already at the table, both of them polishing off some fruit while everyone else takes a seat. Poe tosses his apple core into the trash on the other side of the room, throwing his hands up when it lands in the basket.

Poe bows as everyone cheers, high-fiving Iolo. He grins, his gaze flitting over the group when they settle down.

“Okay!” Poe rubs his hands together. “Looking good, team! Let’s kick some ass today!”

Finn looks around the room, watching his partner brief their friends on the plan for today before they all unwind with some greasy food and what will no doubt be a painfully cheesy movie.

It’s going to be a good day.

**Author's Note:**

> in one scene they go to a car crash caused by a drunk driver. finn tries to save the other driver but his injuries are really severe and he dies while finn's working on him. there's also a couple descriptions of fire/injuries later when poe and finn get hurt but the big one is the car crash scene
> 
> please never drink and drive
> 
> ok so now that those notes are done this is the first fic i've ever written that's more than just a couple scenes and it took me a freaking long time so i would really appreciate any feedback it would mean a lot thank you!!!
> 
> hope you enjoyed :)


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